


Insanity and peace

by Dullandpeaceful05



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23306557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dullandpeaceful05/pseuds/Dullandpeaceful05
Summary: Gary wants to give in. Is he too late? Should he even go through with it?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Insanity and peace

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, hi😶✌ I'm bored during this quarantine and I have a sudden love for final space. But when I looked for angst about Gary I was shocked there wasn't a lot so here we are... It's not good but it's not like I'm used to writing serious shit anyway. I was also inspired by a few stories to write this so if seems familiar that's why

There was one thing that he always realized after some time of doing nothing. 

It was always so quiet. 

The reoccurring thought frequently haunted the young prisoner, Gary Goodspeed. Quiet, quiet, quiet. 

_**You're just a lonely piece of dog shit , Goodspeed.** _

Quiet and rather lonely indeed. 

All Gary had to listen to was his thoughts, himself and the other robots on board. His thoughts being the scariest. They get louder every day. It was going to drive him insane sooner or later. 

_**So, so alone.** _

Sure he had KVN, his deep space insanity avoidance companion to keep him company, but KVN was extremely annoying to Gary. He tried to avoid talking to him as much as possible. The sphere shaped robot was more likely to cause insanity than prevent it. 

He almost hated KVN more than he hated himself. 

Gary goodspeed hates himself. 

_**YOU'RE SUCH AN ANNOYING DISGUSTING HUMAN.**_

__

His face started to turn green. He hated himself so bad. He sucked. Now he's all alone... yes alone. So alone. 

_**YOU DESERVE THIS. YOU GOT YOURSELF HERE.** _

_**YOUR FAULT.** _

This is what his stupid ass deserved. All he did was cause trouble and no one loved him. No one cared. His mother didn't even want his ass. 

_**No wonder she doesn't love you.** _

Gary felt more nauseous. His mother didn't love him and his dad was dead. So much for family love. 

He turned in is bed to face the wall. 

* * *

Gary would normally just talk to H.U.E, his AI supervisor on the Galaxy One, to distract him from his thoughts. Gary couldn't see H.U.E. but he could hear him. That was enough for him. 

He was the one who was keeping him barely sane the past 2 years. The AI responded nicely to all Gary's questions stupid or not. 

**_Do it, Gary. No one would notice. Do it._ **

Yes, listening to H.U.E talk was nicer than listening to his sick thoughts. Especially the ones about slitting his throat or hanging himself while his wrists bleed out. 

**_H.U.E doesn't care if you do it. Just do it. Do it._**

****

Gary was in his bedroom right now. H.U.E had forced him to go to bed but Gary didn't feel like sleeping. He wanted to make himself vomit and then stare in the mirror to look once more at the dumbass who got him into this mess. 

Himself. 

**_No one loves a troublemaker, Gary._**

****

His mental state has never really been the best. Especially after the passing of his father. He has always struggled with suicidal thoughts and low self esteem. 

It only got worse when he had to be separated from society. 

**_What a lonely piece of shit. Worthless._**

****

He kept himself up at night accidentally. 

* * *

He still felt like throwing up. 

Has he taken his pills today? No. He didn't take his pills today so now he felt like shit. 

**_KILL YOURSELF. DO IT._**

****

He's been feeling a certain, familiar way for awhile but didn't want to tell H.U.E. He was getting sick of being alone. So fucking sick. Actually, he was really sick of being alive but hasn't realized it until recently. 

It's not like Gary hasn't asked for help before, it was just awkward. How do you even explain to an unfeeling AI that your so sad you want to willingly hurt yourself? Especially after you try so hard to hide the fact something is wrong with you? 

Robots don't feel human emotions. H.U.E doesn't feel human emotions. 

**_DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. NO ONE WOULD CARE. DO IT._**

****

The blonde man swallowed hard as he turned in his bed again. 

He knew what he needed. He just needed human contact.

He needed to be talked to my someone else if his kind. Hugged. Touched. To be honest he was getting tired of touching himself. He felt shame and embarrassment every time he finished but also a hint of satisfaction. Could H.U.E be watching or listening whenever he did? Holy crap. Gross. 

* * *

Its so quiet in here... 

"H-H.U.E?" Gary stuttered. His voice had cracked but he made up his mind. He doesn't care if he got scolded. He couldn't trust himself right now. He needed to bleed. Feel something. 

"Yes, Gary? Having trouble sleeping?" The AI questioned. 

'No shit.' Gary thought to himself. 'They're so loud tonight.' 

Gary's arms dug deep into his sides. "H.U.E... I'm having concerning thoughts right now." Gary swallowed again. He was thirsty. His throat was dry. "Again." 

His finger nails grew and he felt it. Should he cut them? Maybe later. 

He waited for an answer. He almost apologized for his sudden change in his happy go lucky mood when H.U.E spoke again. 

"Gary. Correct me if I'm wrong but do you feel like killing yourself right now?" Gary twitched. He slightly cut himself with his nails. "This is normal for people who get longer sentences like yours." H.U.E. informed. 

At first the young man nodded like H.U.E could see, which he wasn't 100% sure if he could or couldn't, but then he stopped himself and answered quietly. "I think so... the voices are loud tonight." 

"Gary, this is the 4th time you've told me you've felt this way since you boarded the ship 2 years ago. This is quite concerning to me. Have you been taking your anti-depressants? " Garys breathing slowed. Did H.U.E know a side effect could be suicidal thoughts? The AI making such an error bewildered the young man. However they did get worse when he didn't take them so maybe he was the wrong one.

"They make me tired H.U.E...I wanna go home. I miss being around people. No offense, your cool to talk to but... " Gary trailed off thinking about Quinn. He missed her so much. Talking to her felt like heaven. But that's how he ended up here though. 

"..but I wan-I need to be around humans. I feel so...alone all the time H.U.E." The confession barely took the weight off his chest but it felt better. 

A pause. 

"Hmmm...Well, Gary, you still have about 3 years until your prison sentence is up. I can't really help you with the human contact part, unfortunately, but I cannot have you hurting yourself. Please put anything you could use to kill yourself in the box I just dropped down into your room. " While H.U.E was speaking Gary saw a box fall from his ceiling. 

Gary groaned. "I'm fine H.U.E. . I'm not gonna...gonna kill..myself H.U.E. I just feel like it. Plus, what dangerous objects do I have?" 

"You have a few blades in your drawers. And shoe strings. Come on Gary. You need to get to bed and your safety is one of my top priorities." 

Gary slightly smiled. The thought of one of his sharp blades cutting his soft, pale skin seemed real nice right now. 

**_Yes, do it Gary. Cut yourself. It'll feel so good.._**

****

"Hmpf. I'm fine H.U.E." He lied. Maybe if H.U.E pissed off he could secretly cut himself to sleep. 

"Gary. Now. Every blade and shoelace in the box. Cooperate with me here." 

Gary didn't move. He hesitated.

" I'll just call KVN in here to bother you until you do it then.. " 

"Holy crap, NO!" Gray yelled hopping out of bed. His face turned red with dread and anger at the simple thought of the annoying robot. "No... Ok! I'll pack all the dangerous crap I have!" 

"Thank you, Gary. Hurry along now, you're late to getting to bed. This could have serious consequences." 

Gary only signed in response. Maybe he'd jerk off to fall asleep...nah. Now that he confessed how he's been feeling H.U.E would be keeping his eyes on Gary even more for at least a week. 

**_It would've felt amazing to bleed. To feel something other than shame, gulit or embarrassment...too bad H.U.E is a dick._**

****

He wanted to cut himself real bad. Lightly glide the sharp knife under his pillow along his skin and watch beads of red like out. He wanted to feel it. To feel something. 

He frustratingly threw 3 blades in the box from his dresser, the knife he had under his pillow and 4 pairs of shoelaces from his closet. 

"You..had a knife under your pillow? Why, Gary?" H.U.E shoulder surprised to Gary. Did he really not know? 

"The reason wouldn't make sense to you...you wouldn't get it." Gary thought about how he had a nightmare recently of the Galaxy one being invaded with killer aliens. Heh, he was a weirdo. 

"There." Gary fell face first in his bed again. " Everything I could use to hurt myself is in that box." 

"Thank you, Gary. Now go to sleep." 

Gary silently got under the sheets and sighed. "Night H.U.E." 

H.U.E must've either forgotten he mentioned the voices were being loud again or he ignored it. Gary didn't bother to mention it again. He hears nothing now. 

He knew KVN would be ordered to hide all the guns and kitchen knifes by the morning. KVN would know Gary had been feeling down and now he's gonna be even more annoying than ever in the morning to "cheer him up". Fuck. 

Gary's nausea never faded away. 

**Author's Note:**

> So I might write more but idk yet... If y'all like trash then maybe...


End file.
